I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
