I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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