Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
