Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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