HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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