After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
