Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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