that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
