This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
