'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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