shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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