Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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