Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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