I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
