listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
