He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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