Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
