id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
