We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My vagina is officially offended.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
