Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
