Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
