Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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