Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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