I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
