Me. At least after what I've been through.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
