I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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