Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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