my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
