So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
