careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
