I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
