in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
