i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
