I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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