My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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