dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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