I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
