I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
