Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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