I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
COCAINE IS GR8
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
