the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
