Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
