Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
