He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
