Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
