do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
