he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's shark week go big or go home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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