I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
