1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
