Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
