marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
