I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
