you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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