stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
