Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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