Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
