She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
