Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
