i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
