If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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