The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
