I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
