Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
