That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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