I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
