Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
