She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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