So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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